The Beginning

So, I asked if starting this blog would be a good idea, or if some people would think it was just me looking for attention. And you know what? Screw it. If people want to think that, then they don't have to read it.

But if I can help one woman understand the pain, the solitude, the emotions, the depression, the silent-suffering...well, then I think it might be worth it. So here goes nothing.

My name is Christina, or Stina to my friends. I have endometriosis. And I am infertile.

Now, we got that out of the way.

I guess I should give a bit more detail. But, in the interest of time (meaning, I don't want to waste yours), I will be brief...

Married. No baby. Tried three fertility treatments. Spent $5000. Failed. Got pregnant naturally. Lost baby. Lost 25 pounds. Had surgery. Husband said things were "getting too hard, and didn't want kids anymore." Husband left and knocked up another woman. Divorced. Met wonderful man. Married. Still no baby.

Following? Well, of course there is more detail, but as Spaceballs would say, this is the short-short version.

So here I am. 31 years old, married, working two jobs, living in a great house with my menagerie of animals (husband included), and from the outside, I have everything I could ever dream of.

Except a baby.

6 years ago, I was diagnosed with a condition called endometriosis. Endometriosis is a condition that affects 5-10% of women, or about 176 million women worldwide. It is when cells from the lining of the uterus grow in other places in the abdomen, such as the ovaries. Ok, so have I lost the men yet?

The problem is that endometriosis causes infertility. It also causes extreme pain. When I say extreme, I mean...imagine someone stabbing you in the stomach with a hot poker. Personally, I can't get up, walk, drive, work, eat, sleep...it is excrutiating. I cry, scream; basically want to die. And there is nothing I can do.

It's a double whammy every month..."Hey! Guess what? Not only are you not pregnant, but here's days of debilitating pain on top of it! Enjoy!"

You can't see endometriosis. Most women think that painful monthly cycles are just a part of being a woman. Suck it up, it's not that bad, all women go through it. But it's not normal. And since so many women have it, there is a good chance you know someone who has it.

Ok, so what's the solution? Unfortunately it is not easy. There is no cure. There are short-term fixes. So....

Valentine's Day this year will, in essence, suck. I am having a laporoscopy and a cytoscopy. A laporoscopy is surgery when a long probe and camera is inserted into my abdomen and the areas of endometriosis are cut from each side of my belly. Also, a probe is going to be inserted into my bladder, because the endo might be the cause of a disease called IC, or interstitial cystitis. This is in inflammation of the bladder, causing overactive bladder. Again, there is no cure for this.

I am not telling you all this because I want you to feel bad for me. I don't want sympathy. But please, think before you ask women if they are pregnant (I usually wait until I physically see the baby coming out of the woman before I ask, just to be safe!) because they might start crying uncontrollably. Think before you tell someone that your child is a "burden" or a "mistake" or your conception was "an accident." Because there are women who would do ANYTHING to be in your shoes.

Thank you to all my friends and family for their support. I love each and every one of you. And who knows? Maybe in the course of my blog, I'll have some good news to share!

I'll keep you posted!!